I had a thing with a guy at the beginning of the school year, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't going anywhere nor was it healthy. However, I held on to it and tried to validate it and turn it in to something. Now that it's over (and has been for quite some time) I've realized I know have three giant insecurities because of him.
1) One-Sided Relationships
I don't just mean the dating kind, I mean friendships as well. I'm terrified of all my relationships with people becoming one-sided. That I will be the only one trying to make it work, the only one instigating conversations and planning get togethers. It's hard putting that much effort in and not getting it back and then of course you doubt what you actually mean to that person.
2) Integration
I worry that when I integrate someone into my life, I will not become a part of theirs. If someone always comes to my house, never introduces me to their friends and keeps me from their life I feel like I'm not worthwhile. This makes it easy when something ends for them to go on as if it never happened but I'm left answering questions and with a void. I do not want people to be a part of my life if they are not willing to make me a big part of theirs as well.
3) Getting to know each other
I worry that I'm the only one putting in the effort to get to know someone. If I ask questions about their life, likes and dislikes or things like that but they never ask it of me I worry they don't care. If i'm learning about someone but they are not learning about me it creates an awkward friendship.
All of these are valid concerns but I now find they're giant insecurities. You know that nagging thought in the back of your head that won't listen to logic? That's what these are. One little thing and all of a sudden I'm worried one of the above is happening. I feel damaged :/
